‘Chasing Tails’ and other poems by Layla Hehir

Beware of the Hey Man

Beware of the Hey Man,
he’s lurking in the street.
That hipster-hatted Hey Man,
the coolest guy you’ll meet.

He’s sipping on his coffee,
a pained artistic soul.
The only thing that this guy’s
drawing is the dole.

His conversation sparkles
as he bums a cigarette.
He’s working on a book you know,
it’s just not finished yet.

Beware of the Hey Man,
he’s drifting through the crowd.
If you keep drifting every day man,
the world won’t wait around.

The screenplay never written,
the painting never hung.
You’ve wasted years
and missed the boat
but hey man, it was fun.


She scurries through life
like a squirrel on cocaine.
Her manner is harried,
her banter inane.
Give her one problem,
she’ll come back with twenty.
Don’t ask for ideas,
you know she’s got plenty.
She’s sorted the inventory
nobody needed.
If she stays the latest
it means she’s succeeded.
She feels so hard done by,
why all the complaints?
Will anyone tell her
she belongs in restraints.
We all have a Sharon
in some form or shape
whose purpose is solely
to cramp and frustrate.
So watch out, she’s lurking
In everyone’s crew
If no bells are ringing
then maybe it’s you.

To groups of women in restaurants

To groups of women in restaurants,
please tell us what you had
and tell us how you really shouldn’t
but you’re getting wine, you’re mad!
To groups of women in restaurants,
speak up now don’t be shy.
We’d love to hear about your day
and how you’re way too good for that guy.
To groups of women in restaurants
we understand your pain.
The decision to get dessert is tough,
but don’t you deserve it Lorraine!
To groups of women in restaurants,
be careful now, don’t choke.
I don’t care if you get dessert,
I don’t care about your day.
It sounds like he was right to leave you.
Next time please get a takeaway.

Chasing Tails

It’ll all be fine in Canada,
I don’t care what you say.
Just punch in time,
pack up, goodbye.
We’re counting down the days.
We’ll never fight in Canada
I know we won’t, okay?
It’s just this place,
stagnant state,
long hours,longer days.
I’ll do yoga in Canada
We’ll both go gluten free.
I wonder who’ll be laughing then
We’ll get there, wait and see.
I’ll play the harp in Canada.
I’ll practice every day.
But why would I start learning now?
I’m leaving anyway.
I am still set on Canada
I don’t care what you hear
Just laying low
And making plans
It’s only been a year.
What’s so great about Canada?
That’s what I always say.
I was never going,
Are you mad?
That scumhole, stay away!
I’m thinking about Australia,
that’s where it’s at, you know.
I’ll learn to surf,
like I always said,
it’s the only place to go.

Rosanna, Queen of the World

We sit and laugh,
Wes and I
as we start our second pizza.
They believed it,
every word.
It couldn’t have been easier.
Phase one of our plan now complete,
the cogs are slowly turning.
They went for this,
who knows what else ?
The world will soon be burning.
What next you ask?
Why it’s phase two,
to tighten my control.
We say ALL food
is the enemy now
and watch them starve,
Just when their strength is burning low
and life but clings to bone,
I’ll make my move,
the world is mine!
Rosanna takes the throne.

“Chasing Tails” and Other Poems is © Layla Hehir

Layla Hehir is 25 years old and was born in Limerick. She was shortlisted in the Hot Press Write Here Write Now competition 2015 and the Creative Writing Ink May Competition 2015. Her poem ‘Beware of the Hey Man’ was featured as poem of the week on the Headstuff literary website in September 2015. She won the readers choice award in the Headstuff Lacomic Cup Short Fiction Competition 2015. She has had poetry published in Ropes literary journal 2013. She enjoys writing poetry and fiction when she is not drinking wine with her cats.

10 thoughts on “‘Chasing Tails’ and other poems by Layla Hehir

  1. Lovely poems!! To groups of women in the restaurants specially *giggle*

  2. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

  3. Wonderful indeed. :))

  4. Beware of the man is my favorite ❤

  5. These are just wonderful! I especially liked “Chasing Tails”, since I’m always going back and forth between moving to Canada or Australia lol

  6. Very enjoyable poems ☺ I think most of us have met a “Hey Man” at some point!
    I really liked ‘Rosanna:Queen of the World’ too. Ruthless and exciting!

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